What You Think About At 1 AM When You Want To Stop Thinking About Coronavirus, Volume 1

  • You know who should be die-hard environmentalists? The lazy. “Sorry, honey, I can’t mow the lawn. I found a patch of clover with five honey-bees. Think of the bees.”
  • “He was a really cute dog. I mean, I’m not a rabid dog person.” But then again, who is?
  • My daughter: “What if we lived at my school? And there was a special room for beds?” That does sound cozy, having an entire campus all to yourself.
  • My daughter got to play tug-of-war with a dog today. My wife tells me P laughed like she’d finally met a unicorn. So I guess I know what’s going on her birthday wishlist.
  • Kids do still want dogs, so COVID-19 hasn’t won yet.
  • He/she/it would help protect the chickens.
  • Or keep my feet warm at night.
  • But then the cat might be angry.
  • You know what, when you’re writing about your daughter and dogs and unicorns, the last thing you need to have on the TV is a police procedural with a dad getting arrested in front of his kid.
  • You know what stings to learn? Learning that Nathan Fillion and Stana Katic didn’t get along. That’s like being told that Luke and Mara Jade aren’t canon anymore because Disney said.
  • I still want an ABC spinoff about Esposito and Ryan. I hear the title The Rooks might be available and (sadly) free from confusing comparisons (yes, this link was definitely found at 1 AM).
  • I can’t believe The Rook was canceled. Although I do have to say that *one* scene may have created unrealistic expectations between lovers around the world, because not everyone can split their personality four-ways between a collection of bodies varying in gender, scruffiness, and haircare, yet maintaining a consistent level of smolder.
  • No, I don’t think we’ll end up with a dog. But then again, I never thought we would have a tetherball setup in the backyard either, but here we are.
  • Speaking of tetherball, I miss sports.
  • Is ESPN showing South Korean baseball yet?
  • Because I will totally watch South Korean baseball.
  • I will also watch repeats of European handball championships.
  • South Korean baseball is on! Not only that, but the Johnsonville Cornhole Championships are listed next on the schedule.
  • No, I’m not making that up.
  • I’m also not making this up: South Korean baseball features cheerleaders in masks and a cardboard-cutout ‘crowd’ behind home plate, which is kind of brilliant.
Those fans are clearly on the edge of their seats.
  • I saw an article on Facebook about sports announcers turning to mundane things. The first random comment I saw rejoiced in the lack of sports on TV, which made me surprisingly mad. Not ‘Murder Hornet’ mad, mind you, but not unlike my experience in Wales when I indignantly upbraided my fellow foreign exchange student for impugning the honor of Britney Spears; I didn’t particularly care about Britney Spears, but I would be damned if I let my British flatmates think I was as provincial as some guy named Tim from Indiana.
  • Sure, I get sports aren’t that important, but don’t insult what matters to sports fans. It may be mundane, but it’s my mundane.
  • Okay, time for bed. I can’t top cardboard-cutout baseball fans. Plus, the Johnsonville Cornhole Championships have apparently been pre-empted by mixed-martial arts highlights.
  • If I want to watch mixed-martial arts, I’ll just watch my six year old as she practices Tae Kwon Do via Zoom in our living room. That’s real indomitable spirit, my friends, a six year old staying happy and sweet despite everything.
  • She deserves a dog. I just don’t know if she’ll get one.

Published by dmhallett101

Husband, father, writer, reader, mostly in that order. Staying sane by pretending to be creative by playing with (WordPress) blocks.

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